The editors have me nice and paranoid. (Sentence question.)

[LikesArial]

Hi,

Suppose I wanted to use a sentence like this one:

"Playing your music loudly creates cumulative hearing damage for yourself, not to mention how it will annoy your neighbors."

Is "not to mention how" somehow wrong in that sentence? Would the editors hate that? Is it too informal or something?

Help, please.

[Judith]

I would suggest something like the following:

"Playing music loudly creates cumulative hearing damage. In addition to inflicting harm to your hearing, you risk annoying your neighbors."

[LikesArial]

My poor brain is fried trying to come up with anything else, so I'll take your suggestion. Thank you, Judith.

[jellygator]

Hi,

Suppose I wanted to use a sentence like this one:

"Playing your music loudly creates cumulative hearing damage for yourself, not to mention how it will annoy your neighbors."

Is "not to mention how" somehow wrong in that sentence? Would the editors hate that? Is it too informal or something?

Help, please.

I would think that the "not to mention" is a problem because the verb "creates" is what it's tied to. If it creates hearing damage AND something else, then "not to mention" would probably be fine.

[Sharion]

"Playing your music loudly creates cumulative hearing damage for yourself, not to mention how it will annoy your neighbors."

A few suggestions:
"Playing loud music creates cumulative hearing damage for the listener, and it will annoy the neighbors."
"Playing loud music creates cumulative hearing damage for the listener. In addition, it will annoy the neighbors."
"If you listen to loud music, you risk cumulative hearing damage. In addition, you will annoy the neighbors."