Rejection of "Which Tablet Will You Buy This Christmas"

[Srinivasayyar]

Hello, I've had many rejections this past week. All the rejections criticize me for wordiness. They said I was padding to raise my word count. After 10 rejected articles, I decided to completely rewrite an article in a sparse style with no unnecessary stuff to see how that would go over. It didn't go over at all. It was rejected for being wordy again and I was told to not resubmit it. Here's that article below. Is it wordy?

I can't be sure what exactly they want me to do. The good magazines certainly write in a chatty style. Do they want me to sound like a robot? I've had 50articles accepted so far and they never said I was wordy. Why now? Thanks for your insights

When the first tablets came out in the year 2010, the tablet market consisted of just a couple of iPads and a few wannabe designs from competitors like Samsung. The market has evolved since then. This year, you need to wade through more than a dozen variations of the iPad and hundreds of designs from other manufacturers in deciding which tablet to buy. Here’s how you cut through the clutter.

A tablet purchase is more than just the hardware unit that you buy. You also need great software to run on it. Technically, the tablet models manufactured by Microsoft and BlackBerry are just as good as the iPad. These manufacturers have just a handful of useful tablet applications in their software inventory though.

Your first step deciding which tablet to buy, then, should be to find out which tablet platform comes with the best software choice. There are four major tablet platforms in existence at this time – Apple’s iOS, Google‘s Android, Microsoft’s Windows RT and the BlackBerry Tablet OS. When you buy a tablet you can only use apps written for that platform.

Apple wins hands down for the sheer range of apps offered. Google's Android platform comes in a close second. Microsoft may catch up next year. But their Windows Store isn't well-stocked yet. The BlackBerry platform is very poorly supplied with apps. Unless you wish to use your Blackberry Playbook only for a few routine tasks you should probably stay away from this.

The race, then, is down to tablets that run on iOS and the ones that run on Android. These tablet platforms see the liveliest app development action now. Should you buy an iPad then or should you save a little money and get an Android tablet by Samsung, Lenovo, Kindle, Acer or someone else?

When you browse the Google Play store for apps you are likely to notice that practically every one of their thousands of apps tablet-compatible. Very few of those apps are specifically designed for tablets though. Since the Google play store does not have a separate Tablet category you don't really notice any of this. Use these apps on a 7 inch tablet and you will find that the graphics have poor resolution.

Even when you do chance upon some of their made-for-tablet apps it is obvious that these are not well-thought-out. The Android tablet apps for popular services such as LinkedIn, eBay, Twitter, Pandora, DropBox and Trip Advisor are very poorly done. They are just basically lists of choices.

These services have great apps for the iPad though. The iPad versions are beautifully done.
As confusing as the tablet market may appear at first it becomes clear once you understand what to look for. Since Apple's App Store has the best range of apps the iPad should be the best tablet to go with.

[Celeste Stewart]

Hi, it's me again, trying to help . I think the article can benefit from a tighter writing style. Doesn't mean you have to sacrifice a conversational tone, but you could get rid of some of the vague qualifiers such as "just a couple of."

I'm a firm believer in the 30 percent rule. That is, I believe most content can be cut by at least 30 percent. Not only that, I believe that you can make the article better in two ways: Cutting makes an article more concise and allows room for more information.

I took the first 4 paragraphs to see what I could do from a cut-the-extra-words-out perspective. On a first run through, it went from 299 words to 171 words while keeping the original meaning. I don't want to post the whole section here (in the interest of the content not getting indexed by Google) but here's a snippet to show you that words can be cut even after the initial editing (more can be cut in my version as well -- and more could be added thanks to the pruning):

Paragraph 1 (original 70 words):
When the first tablets came out in the year 2010, the tablet market consisted of just a couple of iPads and a few wannabe designs from competitors like Samsung. The market has evolved since then. This year, you need to wade through more than a dozen variations of the iPad and hundreds of designs from other manufacturers in deciding which tablet to buy. Here’s how you cut through the clutter.

Paragraph 1 (rewrite 41 words):
When tablets arrived in 2010, the market consisted of the iPad and a handful of wannabes. The market has evolved, and dozens of capable iPad, Android, Windows, and Kindle designs vie for your attention. Here’s how to cut through the clutter.

[Celeste Stewart]

Since you have a lot of accepted articles, you have the basics mastered. It sounds like the editors want you to fine-tune your skills and take your writing to the next level. One of the things I love about CC is that while we may be content to stay where we are, the editors often prompt us to look deeper, keep learning, and sharpen our skills. It's not necessarily fun to accept but who else is going to tell us which areas to work on?

[Srinivasayyar]

Hi, Thanks for taking the time to help me. Your edit of my article does help me see what direction I need to take. I wish I knew why CC insisted on this style, though.

The major magazines and newspaper do say a lot of unnecessary stuff in their articles to sound friendly. The short leash that CC wants me on makes me be less spontaneous. Writing is a distressing experience now. Every article on the Web that praises "conciseness" tries to say that this writing style is more powerful and dynamic. Personally I find it to be lifeless and suffocating.

Anyway, CC thinks a writer's personal style preferences are unimportant and I have no choice.

Thank you for helping me and I'll take your advice.

[nicole22biba]

Hi there,

another suggestion would be to introduce the exact steps a person should take after the sentence "Here’s how you cut through the clutter." After this sentence, you could use a bulleted list, starting with "Your first step deciding which tablet to buy......"
Additionally, the paragraph "A tablet purchase is more than just the hardware unit that you buy. You also need great software to run on it. Technically, ...." sounds like an introduction to me. It should not be located in this part of the article.
Also, the sentence "A tablet purchase is more than just the hardware unit that you buy" is quite strange. What you say here is that purchasing a tablet is not the hardware unit you buy. I am sorry, but this sentence doesn't make sense at all. As you are referring to the act of purchasing a tablet, you should continue the sentence talking about this act and not about the tablet. Simply put, it's confusing. To make this sentence clearer without changing its meaning, you could alter it like this: " Purchasing a tablet is more difficult than buying a simple hardware unit. That's because you also need great software to run on it."
I am quite new over here, and maybe I am not the right person to give you any advice. However, the best thing to do is to pause for a few days, even a week, and check this article again. It would be easier to spot errors or awkward sentences.
Best of luck!

[Srinivasayyar]

Thanks for taking the time. While these are good points, the article was rejected for wordiness. They keep rejecting for this one reason. I didn't understand what they meant when they complained about "wordiness". It took me time to understand that they wanted me to use a bare style that you would see in an instruction book.

If I say "You need to check this...." they ask me if "You need to" is necessary. They just want me to say "Check this">

[KinsleyRoyale]

I agree with Celeste. Rephrase it by giving less superfluous wording. Also when you say "you need to" it can be off-putting. The same goes with the words "you should". Those are "control" words that come across as bossy.

I think you understand what you want to say but your writing merely needs some maturing.

Write as you might talk to a person. Read it out loud and see if it sounds like you're conversing. Of course, if English isn't your first language, that may be what is throwing you off a little.

Keep editing and working on improvement.