Constructive Criticism Thread

A place where authors can exchange ideas or thoughts. Talk about what categories are hot and which ones are not.

Moderators: Celeste Stewart, Ed

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Celeste Stewart on Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:56 pm

...that dies back the ground...
that dies back INTO?? the ground
Celeste Stewart
 
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:28 pm
Location: California

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Evelyn on Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:59 pm

Could be because you missed a [to], as in dies back [to] the ground.

Because we get paid handsomely at C-C and NOT by the word, it pays us as authors to be concise. Perennials die back to the ground in fall reads somewhat better, without knowing the whole sentence. Celeste's rule of eliminating 30 percent of words in a first draft is a good one--tightens the piece and says exactly what you want to say. And reads better to the trained ear.

I also don't want to be nitpicky, but not all perennials die back to the ground and some should be sheared off by the gardener after first frost. I haven't had the opportunity to write about gardening in a while... love that subject. :)

Keep writing and submitting! You already know how valuable a C-C payment can be!
Evelyn
 
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:39 pm

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Lor on Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:12 pm

Celeste Stewart wrote:...that dies back the ground...
that dies back INTO?? the ground



Celeste, you win. It was a missing word. How on earth did I miss that? Probably because it's a term I've used numerous times writing gardening articles and teaching it probably just seemed like it was there.

It should actually have read "dies back "to" the ground," however. It doesn't die into the ground. It's a gardening term.
But still, it's a typo, not a grammar faux pas. And I'm actually relieved by that.

So glad I brought it here, because I thought I was losing my mind.


Evelyn,
Yes to the sheering, but there's more to it than that. I only gave you the problem phrase. Also, yes I know CC pays well. I've done well here over the past few years, but I don't put all my eggs in one basket.
Last edited by Lor on Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Lor
 
Posts: 242
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:48 pm

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Celeste Stewart on Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:16 pm

It happens all the time! Our eyes see what we meant to say. Welcome back :)
Celeste Stewart
 
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:28 pm
Location: California

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Lor on Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:18 pm

Thanks Celeste,
I think it must be my reading glasses. You know, glasses lose power as they age.
Lor
 
Posts: 242
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:48 pm

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby StephanieLemieux on Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:08 am

Is this thread still active? I need some help with a sentence. I'm not sure how to properly use commas in this one. Any help?

In the meantime, knowing that you’re there, that you empathize and that you love her, may help her feel less alone.
StephanieLemieux
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:17 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Judith on Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:20 am

Hi Stephanie,

Personally, I would be concerned there are too many references to "that." I would reword it to read simply. Perhaps something like - "Meanwhile, feeling your presence, your empathy, and your love, may ease her lonliness."
Judith
 
Posts: 260
Joined: Sun Aug 01, 2010 11:30 am
Location: I may be found where mountains rise and rivers flow.

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby StephanieLemieux on Fri Aug 12, 2011 4:06 pm

Thanks for your help Judith!
StephanieLemieux
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:17 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Lisa-Anne Sanderson on Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:04 pm

Hello everyone,

I've been asked to make a few revisions before re-submitting my article on ways to be thrifty. I wrote this sentence: "Clothes-swaps
and clothes-swapping parties are very popular now." It was described as "awkward" so I'd like some help, please.

I probably should have noticed that I mentioned clothes swapping twice. Perhaps I should change it to: "Exchanging clothes at clothes-swaps is
very popular."

Regards,
Lisa
Lisa-Anne Sanderson
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2006 2:45 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Celeste Stewart on Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:45 pm

The term itself is awkward, but if it is what it is, then I'm not sure about a workaround. I like your idea of eliminating the double mention. I'm not sure there's a need for a hyphen in the first "clothes-swap" though the second mention (clothes-swapping parties) seems to need it.
Maybe:
Trading clothes at clothes-swapping parties has become popular.
Clothes-swapping parties are the latest rage.
Clothes-swapping parties have become a popular alternative to _____.
Celeste Stewart
 
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:28 pm
Location: California

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Lisa-Anne Sanderson on Mon Oct 24, 2011 5:29 pm

Thank you very much, Celeste. You've been very helpful.

I hope to resubmit the article when I've revised it.

Best Regards,
Lisa
Lisa-Anne Sanderson
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2006 2:45 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby JessicaB on Sat Nov 19, 2011 4:36 am

"children were given money during Hanukkah to play the dreidel game with."

Leaving out 'with' feels incomplete, but it sounds wrong to end the sentence with a preposition. Help?
JessicaB
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:43 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby Lor on Sat Nov 19, 2011 6:44 am

I don't see the need for "with." I do think the phrasing might be a little awkward, and that's what's catching you up.
How 'bout ......
"During Hanukkah, children were given money to play the dreidel game."
Lor
 
Posts: 242
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:48 pm

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby JessicaB on Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:42 am

Thank you ! That helped a lot.
JessicaB
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:43 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Postby SLPerini on Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:31 pm

Is it okay to keep using this thread? Asking because most of the other forums I've been around frown upon bumping. I presume this would be an exception to that common rule since it's a stuck as important?

Thanks
SLPerini
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:46 am

PreviousNext

Return to Author Exchange

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron