Constructive Criticism Thread

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kdrew
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by kdrew »

OK, here's one that I'm just not sure about in regards to commas (of course, if you see anything else wrong feel free to point it out). :D

"While the use of some substances, such as tobacco, are widely known to be dangerous during pregnancy, many women do not question the use of other chemicals, such as nail polish."

To me, it seems to have too many commas but then again I feel like they are needed. Any thoughts? Thank you.
Celeste Stewart
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Celeste Stewart »

Hi,
It depends on the intention. Setting "such as tobacco" between commas is similar to putting it in parenthesis, almost as an aside. I don't think you need the last comma before "such as nail polish" as that doesn't seem like an aside to me.

I think there's a verb agreement problem though (the use / is widely known).

I'd try: While the dangers of using tobacco and alcohol during pregancy are widely recognized, many pregnant women do not question the use of other chemicals such as nail polish and hair dye.
kdrew
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by kdrew »

Hi Celeste,

Thank you for your feedback! That is such a good catch about the verb agreement as well. I don't know if it is just being 7 1/2 months pregnant or what but I seem to be making a lot of those mistakes lately. :D I really like the way that you re-worded the sentence. It is much clearer and solves the comma issue too. Thank you again so much!

Katie
avantika
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by avantika »

Hi,

I would appreciate some help, please.

My article was rejected and the reason provided was this:
Titles must be properly punctuated.

The title of my article was this: Learning to Say, “No”

I looked at the Extended Guidelines and also 'The Elements of Style' by Strunk. However, I'm still confused as I don't know what the mistake relates to precisely. Was it the use of the comma? Was it that I had no full-stop? I'm a little lost with this rejection. These are the several options I came up with, but I still don't know which one is correct.

1. Should it be this: Learning to Say, "No."
If I do this, all my sub-headings, I assume, would have to have the full-stop as well. For instance: Saying, “No” at work In this article, I followed the pattern from previous aritlces with regard to sub-headings - I don't use a full-stop. I only make the sub-headings appear in bold.

2. Should it be this: Learning to Say, "No".

3. Should it be this: Learning to Say "No."

4. Should it be this: Learning to Say "No".

Thanks.

Avantika
Last edited by avantika on Tue May 11, 2010 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
4rumid
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by 4rumid »

Hi Avantika,

I would probably write: Learning to Say "No"

No comma needed, and titles rarely if ever use a full-stop/period at the end.
avantika
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by avantika »

Thank you, 4rumid, for your prompt reply.

Avantika
jadedragon
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by jadedragon »

4rumid wrote:Hi Avantika,

I would probably write: Learning to Say "No"

No comma needed, and titles rarely if ever use a full-stop/period at the end.
I looked at the titles you suggested but I agree exactly with 4rumid.
avantika
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by avantika »

Thanks, jadedragon.
Celeste Stewart
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Celeste Stewart »

I'd even drop the quotes: Learning to Say No
avantika
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by avantika »

Thank you for the reply, Celeste.

But, can you please tell me why you'd drop the quotation marks?

I thought we were supposed to keep what someone says in quotes.

I'm a little worried about dropping the quotation marks. There is text in the article proper where I have to use conversation. If I drop the quotation marks here (in the title) and not in the article proper, isn't the article going to be rejected for inconsistency?

A
Celeste Stewart
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Celeste Stewart »

Hmmn, on the spot. . . :P

I'd do it for simplicity's sake myself rather than based on a hard and fast grammar rule. It's not as though saying "no" is something specific to a person nor is it overly exotic so I'm not entirely convinced it needs quotation marks. Let me think on it some more. My instinct is to drop the quotes but I could be wrong. I don't think so, but anything's possible.
avantika
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by avantika »

Sorry, Celeste, if I'm putting you on the spot - not my intention to do so. I'll wait for any further thoughts you may have on the subject.
Celeste Stewart
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Celeste Stewart »

Not a problem at all :) I totally don't mind. These conversations make us all better writers.
Celeste Stewart
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Celeste Stewart »

In looking up using quotation marks online, I stumbled across this hilarious blog:
("the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks") http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/ All of us grammar and punctuation geeks will appreciate this one :)
Antonia
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Antonia »

Celeste, it's been a while since I sat in front of my computer laughing out loud....thanks for that! I love the trail of girl-scout cookie boxes. (Or do you think they were "girl-scout" cookie "boxes"?)

@Avantika
I would drop the quotation marks because you're not quoting a specific person there. Presumably the article is not about learning to physically articulate the word "no," but about learning to stand up for oneself and maintain boundaries. Saying no is a common and well-understood expression of that concept. You're not quoting someone, you're using an idiom, so I say drop the quotes for a nice clean punctuation-free title :)
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