Summary:
This article takes the five stages of emotional intelligence identified by Daniel Goldman and describes how we can help our children to develop each stage in a natural, holistic way, so as to become a well-rounded successful adult. It also describes how, as parents, we are often emotionally challenged and shows how to identify our own limitations in order to help our children

Details or Sample:

According to Daniel Goldman (author of ‘emotional intelligence’), self -awareness is the first step in a child’s emotional development. So, it follows that, as parents, we must become self aware, in order to recognize our own limitations, in the hope of shielding our children from assaults on the psyche. Dramatic as that may sound, it is a commonplace reality for a child to be witness to negative comments, shows of excessive, unpredictable or misplaced anger, conflicting messages from parents etc.

Even given that many homes are peaceful and loving, there are often unintentional errors made by well-meaning parents, that may ultimately damage a child’s self-esteem, such as failing to validate their feelings, imposing our own unrealized ambitions upon them or not giving them our undivided attention when called for. When we, as parents, become aware of these issues, then our resulting sensitivity towards our children will result in their own unflinching acceptance of themselves.

Self-awareness in a child is his understanding of how he feels in a given situation and his ability to employ appropriate coping mechanisms in difficult circumstances. In a toddler this might be learning to name his feelings, such as sad or angry, in order to learn self-control and avoid tantrums. This is termed “mood management” by Goldman and is deemed to be the second stage in emotional intelligence.

By validating the thoughts and feelings of our children we teach them to trust their own instincts and to respect their own unique perception of the world. We validate their experiences by listening with an open ear and open heart. This, quite simply, is a show of respect towards one’s child that teaches them that they matter, they are important, and that they have much to contribute to the world. The resulting self-belief and confidence will lead to self- motivation, a strong attribute of emotional intelligence.

By listening to our children, we model the virtue of empathy, one of the five prerequisites for emotional intelligence identified by Goldman. Thus empathy becomes internalised in the nature of the child, which, in turn will help them to manage relationships in the future.

Thus, it is clear that listening is the ultimate and all-encompassing skill needed by parents to bring up an emotionally intelligent child. Of course, we must also model correct emotional responses, help them to articulate their feelings, and encourage them to read appropriate books from a young age. By being present for our children, we enable the development of the five crucial stages outlined by Goldman; self- awareness, mood management, self-motivation, empathy and managing relationships.

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