Summary:
In an international study conducted in 2004, only 2% of respondents felt that policy based approaches to sexual conflict made a positive contribution to the workplace. In this article, Dr Rory Ridley-Duff examines an alternative way to approach dispute resolution at work.

Details or Sample:
For a person attempting to understand a conflict, the question that could start every investigation is "how is the accuser hurting?" or "why does the accuser feel a need to make an accusation?" It may be wise not to widen the scope of a dispute until the circumstances of the accusation are understood. To accuse, there must either be a moral principle at stake, an interest that has to be defended, or an anger than seeks an outlet. Initially before shifting focus to the accused, establish the balance between these three.

If possible, search back through events (Harris and Harris, 1986) with the accuser to trace any source of emotional hurt (remembering that it may come from somewhere else in the accuser´s life and is not necessarily the outcome of their relationship with the accused). If you cannot shed any light, start to involve the accused. Initially, you are still trying to understand the reason for the accusation from the point of view of the accuser, not the accused. If you bring the parties together, let the parties be emotional as it provides information. Avoid taking sides: the objective is not blame. The objective is to stimulate dialogue so that you, and they, can understand the source of emotional hurt and shed light on the dynamics of the conflict.

If you find yourself displaying emotions or feeling emotional, consider how the outcome of the dispute affects your own interests. Does your emotionality betray a desire for a closer relationship with one party? Is one party particularly important to achieving your own personal (or organisational) goals and objectives? Talk to someone outside the dispute about your own emotions to shed some light on them. No-one is completely impartial and you may still be the best person to mediate.

If it is a sexual dispute, remember that most men want close relationships with women more than with other men, and women want close relationships with men more than other women (except for lesbian and gay women and men). "The other" is often perceived as the source of emotional hurt but this does not necessarily mean it is true. Hurt is a reflection of our own desire, our own sense of loss. We hurt most when we cannot fulfil our desires (and the bigger the gap between our desires and reality, the greater our hurt). Find out, if possible, what event changed the relationship. What did each party say to the other? Could it be an outcome of changes outside work?

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