Summary:
Communication is an important component in a healthy relationship. If two people are able to communicate with each other then they have a much better chance of resolving any problems that might arise in their relationship. However, effective communication doesn’t just depend on our ability to articulate what we’re thinking and feeling. This article looks at what’s involved.

Details or Sample:
How to Communicate Effectively in an Intimate Relationship

There is some debate as to whether the quality of a relationship is directly related to the quality of a couple’s communication skills. Some relationship experts believe that the fewer barriers there are to communication, the better the chances of a successful relationship; others believe that a couple’s inability to resolve conflict through communication matters little to whether or not they will live happily ever after.

Regardless of what exactly it is that binds two people together in relationship bliss, most experts would agree that a healthy intimate relationship is one in which you are able to express what you really think and feel. This is achieved through effective communication, facilitated by the trust your partner shows in listening to and accepting your views and opinions. Showing this level of trust enables you to express and convey what is on your mind, while, in turn, your partner is able to voice their thoughts and feelings safe in the knowledge that you trust them enough to allow them to do this. This ease of communication doesn’t happen automatically, however. In order for two people to reach this stage they both have to show that they are willing to accept differing views and feelings. Only when they do will they both feel secure enough to be completely honest, something that is essential to a successful relationship.

When we communicate face-to-face, the actual words we use account for about seven percent of our communication. The tone of our voice and our body language account for much more. That’s why, when you want to be understood, it’s always important to think about not only what you actually say, but how you say it. Listening is another extremely important tool in the communication process. Most of us aren’t good at listening. If you feel that you may not practice active listening skills then take the time to express interest in what your partner is saying and doing. A simple action such as switching off the TV while your partner is speaking is sometimes all it takes to improve communication in an intimate relationship.

It may be difficult for anyone who has a poor self-image to communicate effectively. They may be shy about expressing themselves, or believe that they don’t deserve to be heard. This self-perception is tied in with the issue of trust in a relationship: an individual who feels that he or she doesn’t deserve to be heard will undoubtedly have problems trusting their partner to accept them for who they are. This is a difficult problem to resolve, as, obviously, communication can’t be used to help overcome the issue -- it’s a Catch-22 situation. Only by learning to overcome your insecurities and fears can you improve your self-image to enable you to communicate effectively with your partner.

As mentioned previously, effective communication rarely happens automatically. Never expect your partner to be able to read your mind. Problems in relationships can rapidly escalate simply because one partner doesn’t react to a particular comment or action in the way the other expected them to. Similarly, avoid reading too much into what your partner says. If there’s any ambiguity in what he or she says about something, ask them to elaborate. Feeling slighted because of something you read into what your partner says can also easily lead to bubbling resentment which can damage your relationship. Always trust your partner to be able to expand on anything they’ve said and ask them for an explanation if you feel you need it.

Furthermore, don’t expect your partner to know what you need or want. If you find yourself saying, “He should know what I want!” then you haven’t adequately communicated what it is you do actually want. Remember that effective communication is a two-way street.

Communication isn’t just about language; touch also plays an important part in an intimate relationship and is something we all need. Remember that touch doesn’t have to be confined to the bedroom, nor does foreplay have to be carried out lying down semi-naked. Simple acts such as holding hands while watching TV, or placing your arm around your partner’s shoulders while out walking can be intimate gestures that say a lot more than words can at certain moments.

Also bear in mind that knowing your partner better than anyone else is no excuse not to show him or her respect when communicating. Use “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” as freely with your partner as you do with strangers.

Communication doesn’t always have to be about the big stuff either, so always share the little things in life with your partner especially those that make you smile.

Never be afraid to let your partner know when he or she has upset you. Sulking accomplishes nothing and only by talking through issues can they be resolved. The two of you can then pick up where you left off, ready to face together whatever the future has in store.

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