Summary:
The first of my new family life blogs, Teenbook - A Life in Blogs.

This first blog article has a serious tone as it examines some of the issues in the current debate over the wisdom of parental drug confessions.

It looks at the dilemma from both Conservative and Liberal viewpoints, and points out some possible pitfalls.

Details or Sample:
Sharing drug experiences with teens should be considered only when it could be constructive, and after assessing teen readiness and family viewpoints. Conservatives fear teens may receive negative messages, blur boundaries and follow negative examples. Liberalists hope teens will learn from parents’ experiences, share concerns and make positive autonomous decisions.

If their home is a warm open community, airing grievances, challenges and celebrations with humor, acceptance and common sense, teens may have the skills to handle liberal-style ‘fessing-up.’ Traditionalists however, may presume teens have automatically absorbed their opinions, so are not at risk. Their teens may not feel comfortable with raising an issue which upsets their parents.

Teens mustn’t presume that solid family anti-drug policies or penalties will be relaxed. Consistency counts. Parents could explain how their drug experiences taught them the need for boundaries and helped them understand the pressures teens are under, adding that their role is still to protect them. However, conservative parents may feel these confidences undermine their message that drug use leads to ruin.

High school teens display growing realism towards adults and enjoy being respected by them in a mature two-way dialogue. Conservative families may reserve this approbation until teens are older. High school teens however, will probably have experienced drugs already, either themselves, or as witnesses:
(August 2007 National Survey of American Attitude on Substance Abuse X11)

Older teens can imagine their future and predict outcomes. Care is required, nonetheless, in decisions on what is said. Traditionalists may want to say nothing other than re-iterating their zero-tolerance policy.

What Not To Say

‘It was fun at the time, but I grew out of it.’

Parents must explain they were wrong if that is what they think, giving reasons for this by emphasising their negative experiences; loss of control, deceiving loved ones, losing friends through letting them down, financial dishonesty, health issues or psychological symptoms. Conservative parents may prefer to use experiences relating to support, salvation or forgiveness.

‘I was led astray.’

Parents should accept responsibility for their early negative choices while highlighting how each subsequent one added to a worsening chain of events. Showing how they could have turned things around at a given point helps teens’ predictive skills. Parents should celebrate the decision which ensured that they are still around for their teen.

They shouldn’t try to curry favor with teens by trying to seem part of their perceived ‘cool’ scene. ‘Comparing notes’ style confidences risk.........(continues)

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