Summary:
His online dating profile is well written (he seems to know where to put his apostrophes, at least). He also sounds fun, and you haven’t had a date in months. But you’re hesitating about meeting as there’s no photo posted. Should you do it? This article is a personal account of the author’s experience of internet dating, and suggests what someone might want to consider in such a situation.

Details or Sample:
As much as we may want to believe otherwise, especially those of us who have done a little more than dip our toe in the world of internet dating, there is still a certain amount of stigma attached to it. Although I was up-front with my close friends when I was internet dating, I wouldn’t have wanted too many of my work colleagues to see my online dating profile. So remember that whatever reservations you may have about your photo being available to all and sundry on the World Wide Web, someone else could also have those same reservations—only threefold.

Some people, I believe, see the world of internet dating as a way of “re-inventing” themselves. The guy who knows—and not just because he’s been told by his friends—that he’s shy and introverted, preferring to spend his Sunday afternoons watching foreign films at the cinema (alone, of course), doesn’t have to be that same guy on an internet dating site. He might not see “shy” and “introverted” as being attractive traits so will choose to exercise a little creative license when it comes to writing up his profile. And providing there’s no photo posted, and he’s using a nom de plume, the chances of being exposed are pretty slim. (There are, of course, those completely unscrupulous people whose main reason for “re-invention” on an internet dating site has more to do with the fact that they’re married with children than it has with any self-perceived hindering personality traits! But let’s leave those aside for now…)

Whether it’s just an excuse, some people claim the reason they don’t post a photo is because they’re a little less than photogenic, and instead rely on their enigmatic wit and personality to do the necessary in their personal profile. If this applies to someone you’ve taken a fancy to online, then it should be fairly easy to deal with. You just need to ask—once you start corresponding with them—if they wouldn’t mind letting you have a photo (you might also have to include a few encouraging words, and your promise not to circulate any photo they send to all your email contacts!). I think that most people would agree to this, especially if you’re heading for a meeting of some sort; if anything, it’s going to help with recognizing each other when you do meet up. Although if you do go down this route, be prepared for grave disappointment if whatever feelings you have for your prospective date turn to dust on sight of his or her photo. But perhaps it’s better this happens before you splash out on a new shirt, or a trip to the hairdresser in preparation of any date! (But then it’s up to you how much you want a date, of course…)

One guy I met online, who didn’t have a photo of himself posted, attached some photos in the second email he sent me (I didn’t even have to ask for them). I asked him why he hadn’t posted his photo (he wasn’t an unattractive looking guy), and he mumbled something about not looking his best in photos. After dating him for a while, I came to the conclusion, however, that his not having posted a photo may have had a little more to do with his wanting to stay incognito for various reasons, none of which meant that he was “unsafe” or “dangerous,” mind.

Conversely, of course, don’t be swayed by someone just because they look pretty good in any photo they have sitting next to their profile. Oh no. I learned not to take too much from a photo after I met a guy who looked extremely cool and collected in his pictures but turned out to be, in the flesh, a little less so.

So don’t get too hung up on the photo issue when it comes to internet dating. My advice would be to treat a photo-less profile the same as any other when looking for a suitable mate. It’s more important to try and get a feel for the person before taking things to the next stage and meeting up (especially if you’re dealing with one of the unscrupulous sorts mentioned above): exchange a few emails, and speak on the telephone if that’s possible, and you both want to do it. Never be pressured into meeting anyone you don’t want to, photo or no photo. Dating can be a minefield of hazards, internet dating or any other form. But don’t automatically dismiss meeting up with someone because they don’t have a photo posted—you might just one day be very grateful you didn’t.

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